Welcome to themocker.com! TheMocker.com is a satirical news blog offering a biting mockery of current events, politicians and random personalities around the world.
[CP] “A counsellor at a northern Saskatchewan Bible camp is feeling the heat for killing and roasting a squirrel over a campfire. The man killed the rodent and wanted to prove that nothing should go to waste by skinning and roasting it.”
Baptist cuisine at its best, hmmmm, tastes squirrelicious!
NYPD: Drugs sold out of ice cream truck
[AP] “An ice cream truck parked in front of a junior high school was offering up cocaine and marijuana along with the soft serve, police said.”
Left: Whitney Houston snorting a good old-fashioned ice cream cone in front of a junior high school. [Image via Flickr]
Ugliness has a Brand
[Telegraph] “Crocs are becoming the must-have shoe this summer for middle class families in Britain and, boy, do the Brits love their Crocs shoes!
Presumably because like their teeth they’re ugly, come in garish shades of green and are full of holes.” Fancy a pair o’ Crocs?
[ABC] “The Shuttle Endeavour will launch a day later than scheduled, NASA officials told ABC News Friday. Specifically, weather slowed down replacement and testing of the shuttle’s pressure valve.”
A more likely explanation is that Nasa’s drunkonauts choked on their own vomit and scraped the $3m dashboard.
Nissan gets testy with drunks – Nicole Richie in deep shit
[Reuters] Nicole Richie booze-breaths beware. “A new concept car with breathalyser-like detection systems may provide even greater traction to keep impaired drunk drivers off the road. Nissan’s alcohol-detection sensors check odour, sweat and driver awareness.”
On all three counts, Nicole is screwed.
Bad bosses with ugly wigs get promoted, not punished
[Reuters] “How do people get ahead in the workplace? One way seems to be by making their subordinates miserable, according to a study released on Friday.”
Sounds like a study funded by Donald Trump and his Ugly Wigs Foundation. Damn you Donald!
EU makes soft porn film - Let’s come together
[Ananova] “The European Union has made a ’soft porn’ promotional film showing 18 couples having sex - including two gay couples.”
We wished a scratch and sniff version of the film would be released all over very soon. In the meantime, smell the copulation right here!
O.J. Simpson appeared on a call-in TV show and was pranked unmercifully. The poor guy was so confused, it was like watching Paula Abdul talk on American Idol.
Lady-killer also wrote a book that has not been released yet and it’s called If I Did It. We wonder what’s it about…
“The Tupelo Buffalo Park and Zoo asked residents Tuesday to help in the recovery of a white-faced monkey that apparently managed to unlock his pen and escape,” the Associated Press reports.
“Park employee Ann Stewart said the monkey will respond to his own name and may take bait of bananas, pretzels and useless wars in Iraq. She urged people to call the park if they spot the mammal.”
The situation in Iran is going from nuclear to even more nuclear thanks to insane president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Economist reports. The Holocaust-denying demagogue keeps threatening to make Israel disappear and continues to be nuclear defiant towards the international community.
If everything goes smoothly, Iran could enrich enough uranium for a bomb by 2009 and soon become more dangerous than Britney is to her kids! Very scary!
Powerwhore Hugo Chavez has lost it again (ok, it’s an old clip, but hey we like it)! This time he accuses Presitard Bush of being ignorant, dangerous and ill… No kidding Einstein!
Using words like donkey, coward and crazy to describe the U.S. Presitard, Che Guevara Wannabe couldn’t contain himself! It’s a fun watch!
The Rudymobile 2008 is all you need. - Rudy Giuliani
“Mr. Giuliani often compares health insurance to car insurance and he talks about how the owner of the car will pay for the small stuff like an oil change. So too, he suggests, with health care. A consumer can cover basic routine visits, choosing a package that matches the level of risk they are willing to take,” the New York Times reports.
Comparing humans to cars could be a reason not to vote for Rudy. Who knows?
U.S. Frigid of State, Condoleezza Rice, smiles for the camera. [Image via Reuters]
The U.S. government and the Mother of All Freezers, Condoleezza Rice, plan to sell over 20 billion worth of arms to Israel, Saudi Arabia and the other Gulf countries over the next 10 years, Reuters reports.
Keep on smiling Condi, selling arms to Saudi Arabia and Israel is surely the path to everlasting world peace and prosperity.
[CP] “A counsellor at a northern Saskatchewan Bible camp is feeling the heat for killing and roasting a squirrel over a campfire. The man killed the rodent and wanted to prove that nothing should go to waste by skinning and roasting it.”
[AP] “An ice cream truck parked in front of a junior high school was offering up cocaine and marijuana along with the soft serve, police said.”
[Telegraph] “Crocs are becoming the must-have shoe this summer for middle class families in Britain and, boy, do the Brits love their Crocs shoes!
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